CAPTAIN BUMOUT

But she won’t go into labour.

Had an orgasm that gave you a headache?

themayoofcantown:

upcoming xbox two features:

• games must be purchased with human skin
• connects only to 24/7 lacrosse television channel
• does not accept discs, only vynil records
• requires hourly connection to crouton.net to function
• will scream newton’s first law continuously when not in use, no volume control available
• runs exclusively off nuclear energy
• all instruction manuals written in Croatian
•  made entirely out of live spiders

It’s a weird kind of sadness, this break up. I came across a book of “brunch recipes” and bawled my eyes out. Because we never got round to using it, nor the chocolate fountiany thing. The ‘new flat!’ cards that i threw out that just seem so sad now. I feel sad that there was a beautiful relationship and a wonderful man there and it never got to reach another peak or cook a new brunch. Never did go on that holiday, never did put a tenner a week away to do something nice. Never watched Eternal Sunshine. Didn’t have the wedding with Mark/Joe/Laurie as the best man combo.

But I don’t feel the sadness of wanting what we had. Maybe I could have tried harder. But I should have wanted to try harder..

I’m honestly ok and it’s weird. I miss him. But I’m ok. And I think he probably is too.

My life over the next month will be working overtime, band, kittens, moving house. Occassionaly crying. I can handle that, I’m a big girl.

Speaking of which - tomorrow onwards is attempt 996 at going on a fucking diet. So, walking to and from work, sit ups, no chocolate (!) No dairy, no bread, tiny amount of pasta and shit loads of tuna and cucumber. Louise is joining me on this health battle which we may fail… But honestly - I want to feel better about myself. And I want to get laid. And - truth bomb - if he’s not going to ever fuck me, I want him to at least wish he could.

And i dreamt about him all night. He knew the words to Sod in the Seed and then he kissed me. Then I nearly fucked his friend until he told me I still had a chance with him.

Wake up fran, there are no chances. Get out of this phase.

I’m moving into looks only slightly better than the one in fight club, but she’s a charming little one and I love her already. Move in day is the first of July - a day that I have off of work already. So i guess you could say it’s going well.

I miss Benn so badly that sometimes I just cry and hate myself and wonder if maybe we could just go back to the start and try again. Multiple opportunities have arisen from nights out and I’ve turned down every last one of them. I have zero interest in anyone else.

I have to begin packing. Oh the tears to follow.

kyleehenke:

have you ever had a romantic dream about someone you know and woken up with a huge temporary crush on them and you’re just like where diD THIS cOM E FROM

The nightmares are really bad, stuck in a dream within a dream within a nightmare. I don’t want to be in this flat alone anymore with the sadness and the broken relationship stink all around.

Sitting in this house that was ours alone. I miss him and his stupid ways. Most of all i’ll miss the hugs, the warmth of him, his smile.

All gone, along with the best kitten there ever was. It’s all my doing although I guess we had it coming. Every friend I speak to say they saw it coming a mile away, expected it. Oh you guys were so distant! Oh I knew it! I’m so sorry Fran are you ok?

I’m fine and then i’m not and then i’m disturbed by how fine I am and then i’m terrified by how much i’m crying. I keep telling my band that I’m a big girl. I can handle it. But I want for them to stay with me and distract me always because alone, with my thoughts, hurts so, SO bad.

My mum still isn’t talking to me and i’m too stubborn (and also 100% right) to do anything about it. Just call me, mum, please? :/

I have nowhere to live and a pregnant cat. A recently broken heart and no money. (Y)

Officially as of an hour ago. A year ago i thought I was in a fairytale and that our love was one in a million. That I was just the luckiest person on the planet and that I’d be having babies and weddings and growing old with him. I guess I still really was that lucky to have felt everything that I did and to have had a man love me so dearly.

For some reason my heart has just changed and I’ve been longing for freedom for some reason. We moved in together too quick. I didn’t want to fake any feelings anymore.

Heartbreak time. What now?

thernardier:

“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes

if i could ignore myself i would

Might need to watch it all. Again.

ARE YOU OK? I’m in Scotland and the finale isn’t available here yet… ARE YOU ALL CRYING???